For Roger

A short fic in answer to one posted by Roger E. Moore. This fic is Daria characters dropped into a DragonLance scene. For Roger… by Dr. Mike by Dr. Mike   The evening was in full swing as Tika stepped over passed out farm hand and set the loaded tray down on the table. As she passed out the plates of potatoes, her eyes kept roaming back to the old man sitting in the corner with one child on his knee and surrounded by many others. He had entered the Inn during the slow afternoon, past mealtime and continued into the evening. He had spent most of it talking to the patrons as if they knew each other for their entire lives but no one could figure out what his name was or where he was from. She shrugged as she remembered the many times she had tried to refill the geezer’s mug of ale but it had always been full. Whenever she had passed him during the day, he had been taking long drinks out of it but never seemed to need a refill. She shrugged as she passed out the last heaping plate and moved over to another table which needed more ale. As she poured, the door to the Inn slammed open. Four young woman entered, wrapped in hooded travelling cloaks. They approached an empty table, sat down, and threw back their cloaks. “I can’t believe we had to climb up all those stairs,” moaned Sandi as she rubbed the backs of her legs. “Whose idea was it to put an inn so high up in the trees? Some of us have four inch heels and could have tripped or gotten a heel caught.” “San-di. All those stairs are good for your legs,” supported Quinn as she too started to rub. “And the new heels are wider to prevent catching them in holes.” “Are you suggesting that my thighs and legs need help, Quinn?” pouted Sandi. “Or that there’s a problem with the way I walk?” “Oh no. Not your legs, Sandi. They’re just too perfect. And your walking is just superb!” “Even though. I’m going to have to mark your rather unflattering remark towards me as a demerit on your Fashion Club scorecard.” “I didn’t know we had Fashion Club scorecards,” questioned Quinn. “Neither did I,” Stacy defended as well. “Me.” She paused and counted on her fingers fairly quickly. “Three.” droned Tiffany. This earned Stacy and Tiffany an evil glare from their club president. Stacy gets a bit nervous while Tiffany ignores it. Sandi went on. “And who ever heard of a fashion show in a small hick town? Stacy, where is it again?” “Solace. It’s on the map.” “Tiffany, are you sure we’re going in the right direction?” “Sure. My. Family. Goes. There. Every. Year. South. On. I. Ninety. Five. And. Then. On. I. Four.” Tiffany holds out the map, which Quinn takes and holds out between herself and Sandi. “Tiffany dear. This is a map of Florida. Your family goes there every year for vacation.” “I. Like. Mickey.” mentioned Tiffany as she stares off into space. “Guys, look at everyone’s clothes.” Stacy was staring around the hall. They all turned and looked at the other patrons. “Don’t they wear something besides brown in this town?” “Brown is so last year.” Quinn knew her clothes. “EEWWWW!!!” went all four as Tika comes up to stand at the table in between Quinn and Sandi. She outweighs them by a good twenty pounds and, *cough*, has a good five inches on them if you know...

read more

Your Honor

Combine Lawndale residents with a well-known third-shift courtroom, and what do you get? A short crossover with the characters from the sitcom “Night Court” and a member of the Daria cast. Your Honor by Dr. Mike We start with an upper body shot of Helen. She’s dressed nice but professional. From the background, it appears that she is standing in a courtroom that has seen better days. Helen: Your honor, my client was simply trying to defend himself from what he felt was an unprovoked attack by a bunch of wild, uncontrolable animals. I move for dismissal. The camera changes to show the bench. Judge Harry T. Stone sits behind it holding his gavel. He looks very serious about his work. (Yeah, right.) Judge Stone: (He turns in the direction of the prosecutor.) Councilor? Dan: Your honor, he tried to wipe out an entire flock of penguins at the city zoo with a handful of funny colored dice. The camera pulls back to show the set of Night Court. For those of you who don’t remember, it was a television comedy show set in a New York City courtroom during the third shift hours. Standing between Helen and Dan is a deranged, older gentleman. The older gentleman: They were making fun of me. Dan: The prosecution would also like to point out that the defendant thinks he’s a famous British movie star. Judge Stone: Aren’t they all dead? Dan: Almost, your honor. He thinks he’s Roger Moore. Roger: I am Roger Moore, Roger E. Moore. I’m not British, I used to work as a fantasy author. Those penguins were mocking me! Helen: Your honor, maybe this man is telling the truth. Dan: Oh, you just want to star in his next movie. Helen: Dan?!?! Judge Stone: Defense, he tried to knock off one of the zoo’s prized exhibits. Helen: With a bunch of funny colored dice? They wouldn’t have done any damage. Dan: Unless he rolled a natural twenty. Judge Stone: (He sighs but bangs his gavel) Guilty. Fifty dollar fine and time served. (Mr. Moore is escorted out.) OK, Mack. Who’s our next lucky contestant? Mack: (He climbs up onto the bench.) Case Number 85865214. People vs. the Fashion Club. (They are escorted up to stand in front of the bench. They are of course animated. They’re also covered in grime from the holding cells.) Judge Stone: What’s the charge? Mack: Resisting arrest, assault, harassment… Quinn: We were just trying to correct for fashion errors. Is that a crime? Tiffany: I. Can’t. Believe. I’m. A. Criminal. Stacy: What if everyone at school finds out we were arrested? What are we going to do? Sandi: Sta-cy, try and control yourself. Quinn, as president of the Fashion Club, I am holding you responsible for this little side trip. Quinn: How was I supposed to know those two ladies were vice cops? I just wanted to comment on their choice of shoes and how they didn’t match their dresses. Judge Stone: (To Mack.) Call for a paddy wagon, Mack. *** Heh heh heh. Surprised no one’s touched this one yet with Helen being a...

read more