Daria Fanfiction – Top Ten Number 3

Yes, I wrote another short story collection. Happy now? 🙂 This one features a guest author. Top Ten Number 3 by Dr. Mike   Number #30   It’s not really Daria but… We start with a blank screen. The round ABC logo fades into view. Announcer Voice: ABC, the advertising arm of Disney, gives you some of the shows that they have bought recently since they’re too cheap to think up their own. The Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher logo fades into view replacing the ABC logo. Announcer Voice: First we brought you Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher. Int. View: The Politically Incorrect set. Bill Maher is sitting at the head of the group with his legs crossed and playing with a pen like he always does. Bill Maher: OK, now that we’ve been bought by one of the big three networks and moved from that other network, they tell me that we can still cover nearly any topic we want to. (Beat.) Is it me or do all the female Disney leads have bigger hooters than Snow White did. The camera view changes to show Larry Flint and Charo are sitting to one side. Flint has a tiger stripped tie while Charo is dressed in a tiger print jump suit. Larry Flint: Of course, Bill. Pocahontas had a big old pair. That’s what America wants to see nowadays. Bigger breasted cartoon figures. That’s why my magazine’s sales are up over twenty percent in the last five years. Charo: (She gives that little body shake she does.) Cuchi-Cuchi! (The crowd goes wild.) The Doug logo fades into view now. Announcer Voice: Then we bought out Doug created by Jim Jinkins. Doug, Skeeter, and Patti are standing in front of a movie theater looking at the movie listings. Doug: Well we can watch Disney’s the Lion King, Disney’s Pocahontas, Disney’s Mulan, Disney’s the Kid, Disney’s Tarzan, Disney’s… The South Park logo fades into view. Announcer Voice: South Park we picked up for a dime. Ext. View: The boys in a line waiting for the school bus. They look uncomfortable. Stan: Now that we’re on another network, the producers are making us clean up our act. Kyle: You mean we can’t say [BLEEP]? Stan: (Sadly.) No, we can’t even call the fat-[BLEEP] a fat-[BLEEP] anymore. Cartman: Hey! I am not a fat-[BLEEP]. I’m just big boned. Kyle So what can we do? Kenny goes into this long bit that we can’t make heads or tails of although the kids can and shocked looks appear on their faces. Once Kenny finishes, the boys look off screen and the camera follows. We see an ABC censor and all he can do is shrug. The camera returns to the boys and they sigh as a group. Cartman’s face flashes with a smile and he pulls out a Tarzan action figure. Kyle: Hey fatso, what are you doing with that doll? Cartman: Hey! It’s not a doll. It’s an action figure from the latest Disney movie, Tarzan. Stan: Tarzan? What are you doing with something from that movie? Kenny goes into another bit and we can sort of make out the words ‘Pocahontas’ and ‘pair.’ They turn as a group and we get to see the ABC censor shrug again. Cartman: And it’s got this nifty spear launcher. Cartman shoots Tarzan’s spear shooting Kenny in the head. He collapses and blood starts pouring out. The boys looked shocked. Kyle: Oh my [BLEEP], you [BLEEP] Kenny! Stan: You [BLEEP]ard! The boys stand there blinking at us trying to figure how what to make of that. Blood...

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Some Night Time Visitors

Somebody gets an unexpected visit. This was one of the introduction pages to my Daria website. Some Night Time Visitors by Dr. Mike You sit in your easy chair after a long hard day at work. A beer that has turned warm awhile ago sits in your left hand as you use your right to flip thru the channels on your TV remote. *click* *click* *click* “Damn…” you mutter as you realize that once again nothing of interest is on television. Another evening sitting at home watching home shopping and movies so bad, they’re on basic cable. You move slightly to adjust your body to the worn impression in the seat cushion. You smile as you think even Ed Bundy and Homer Simpson would be impressed with the groove you have made. A loud knock sounds on your front door. “That’s strange.” You think as you pull yourself out of the warn groove in the recliner and head towards the repeated knocking. No one ever comes out this way anymore after your crazed next door neighbor went after those door to door church do gooders with his shotgun a few years back. You open the door. Two people stand in the doorway dressed completely in black. You notice beneath their black hats and glasses, these are two young females. A large black four door sits on the road, the engine still idling. Strange, you didn’t hear anything pull up… “Excuse me, do you have any Gray Poupon?” the one on the left asks with a slight smirk. You notice she wares a bright red lipstick, the only real color on her. Her hat hides her strangely cut black hair. It almost looks like a mushroom… “Very funny, Lane,” the other one speaks with a slight sound of disgust showing in her voice. You turn to her and notice the deep dark red hair pouring out from underneath her hat. The smirk disappears from the one called Lane. “Look who’s writing this. What do you expect?” The red haired stranger sighs and slaps a folder against your torso. You reach out with both hands in surprise and grab a hold of it. She drops her hands. “Look, we’ll make it easy for you.” “Real easy,” smirks Lane. “So easy, you will wonder why you didn’t discover it yourself.” “We know you watch that Daria show on television. We know you look forward to it every time it’s on.” “We know everything. Even about that time back in ’98 when you took that extra sugar packet without paying for it at Coffee King.” “That folder contains secrets. Secrets that can’t be reveled to those mortals with the intellectual capacity of a grapefruit.” “A Florida Grapefruit.” “Read the file. Study the file. Learn from it.” “Give in to the dark side of the file, you knob.” You begin to wonder if she ever stops smirking. The red head looks at lane also. You bet she is thinking the same thing. “Others will try and take that file and those secrets away from you. Don’t let them. They have their own agenda and want to portray Daria as a simple high school student. We know the truth. We want others to know the truth also. We want them to know about the weird things that have happened around this young woman.” “The school shootings.” “The weirdly colored tomatoes.” “The militia uprisings.” “Elvis returning to earth after going home.” “Cats with silverware.” “Don’t forget the clones.” You look up to see another black clothed female leaning up against the car. From this distance, you...

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