Third Time’s the Charm

Daria meets a new friend. Third Time’s the Charm by Dr. Mike The following is a parody of the story “Hey, You Look Like Jane!” written by Jill Palmer (jill@mail.one.net) which is based on the story “A Meeting of the Brains” and the “Look a Like” series written by Canadibrit (canadibrit@yahoo.com) which is based on the television series “Daria” created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis which was based on a character named Daria created by Glenn Eichler that was shown on the television show “Beavis and Butt-Head” created by Mike Judge for M-TV Networks which was created by a bunch of suits back many *MANY* years ago and is now owned by another bunch of suits at Viacom. Got that? 🙂 Notes follow the story below. Notes are fun. EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL. We see a number of students walking up to the building where a large orange banner is draped across the front of it. It reads “Welcome Back Students!”. It is the beginning of the new school year. INT. LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. The camera focuses onto the back view of a teenaged girl with dark red hair. She is wearing a green jacket, black pleated skirt, and a pair of heavy boots. A younger male teen shoves his way past the girl. She turns and give an angry glare towards the teen and towards the camera. We now see that she is Daria Morgendorffer, star of stage, screen, and fanfic. She turns back to walk down the hallway and the camera now views her from the front. Daria: (small sigh) Start of another school year and people already cant see me. She walks down the hallway towards her locker while having to sidestep a number of other groups of students walking in the opposite direction. She approaches her locker, we see a younger girl with long reddish hair getting books out of her locker. She looks a lot like Quinn but she is wearing different clothes. Instead of her normal short, pink shirt and tight blue jeans, she is wearing a tan t-shirt, camouflage pants, and black hiking boots. Daria does a double take after seeing this girl. Daria: Hey, Quinn. Almost didn’t see you there. Are you hiding out from anyone that I need to know about? (no answer) Daria: Hey, Quinn. Better watch out. That outfit isn’t going to go over too well with the fashion club. Camouflage went out of style years ago. (still no answer) Daria: (who now has an annoyed look on her face) Hey Quinn, this is your *COUSIN* talking to you. You don’t have anything to say to me? After you blackmailed me yesterday to our parents, I would think you would be gloating over it. (The girl finally turns around – it’s obviously not Quinn. The t-shirt has a picture of Albert Einstein on the front of it where Quinn’s smiley face normally is. The girl has the face of Jane but Daria’s glasses.) Girl: (Looking straight at Daria and speaks with Quinn’s voice but in a monotone, non-perky way.) Excuse me? Daria: (After dropping her book and backpack. A look of horror goes across her face) AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The scene changes to a dark screen. We still hear screaming in the background for a few more seconds. After a beat, the light turns on and we see Daria sitting up in her bed in her room pulling her hand away from the lamp and reaching for her glasses. We can see she is drenched in sweat and breathing hard. She sits there for a second trying to...

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Daria Fanfiction – Daria Gets a Cat

Daria gets a cat… one with a few strange habits, including a voracious appetite for the Morgendorffer family’s usual dinner entree. This is my second fanfic and, again, its a comedy. Notes are at the end of the piece, jokes are scattered, and trays are in their upright and locked positions. Scene 1: A sidewalk in Lawndale. The scene opens with Daria and Jane walking home from school. Jane: (a tad excited) So then Mr. DeMartino stands on his desk, drops his pants showing the whole class his USA flag underwear, puts his hand on his heart and starts singing “God Bless America.” Of course Ms. Li walks in right then with people from the state education board. (beat) At least he wasn’t mooning Kevin this time. Daria: (deadpan) Dammit, I always miss the good stuff. I guess he had forgotten to take his medication that morning? Jane: Nah, it just wasn’t working I guess. I’m sure though they upped the dosage afterwards. (beat) And that’s what happened when someone asked DeMartino about the time when Bob Hope came to ‘Nam for a visit. (1) Daria: So, is that why he does all the national anthems? Jane: For now. The lady who used to sing them had a voice that would shatter glass. (beat) So, want to come over and watch TV? I went to the store this weekend and have some cookie dough with your name on it. Daria: It’s not that sugar cookie stuff you got last time? Jane: I was in a minimalist mood. Everything was plain. My paintings, my cooking, my clothes,… Daria: (interrupts) So that’s why you showed up to school in a toga. Jane: Ms. Li didn’t like that too much but I just told here our washing machine had broken again. (beat and then with more feeling) This time, I’m going for substance. Daria: (eyebrow raised) Chocolate chip? Jane: (grin) Chocolate *CHUNK*! Daria: (thinks for a second) Sure, why not? Its not like I have to watch my girlish figure or anything. Jane: (smirk) You know, I know someone who would love to watch your figure. All you have to do is ask. Daria: (glare at Jane) I hate you. Jane: Yea, right. That’s why you keep coming back for more. Maybe I could paint a picture of the 2 of you rubbing cookie dough over each other. I wonder if I could get Trent to model. (beat. Looks at something on the sidewalk) What’s that? We see a very large orange and black tabby cat laying spread out on the sidewalk. He is reaching out to the girls and panting. He appears to be weak. As the girls come closer, he collapses. Jane: (heartbroken) Oh, the poor thing. (She runs over to the cat and kneels down by its side) It must be a stray and hasn’t had anything to eat recently. Daria: (coming up behind Jane with her eyebrows raising up) Jane, you actually believed that act? The thing weighs a ton, looks very well taken care of, and how many cats reach out like that? I haven’t It seen it sround anywhere. He must belong to that new guy that just moved in around the corner. He seems pretty strange. Jane: Oh, Daria. You just don’t understand cats. (scratches the cat) Oh, he’s so cute. Daria: Looks more like you found another guy to latch on to. Jane: With cats, it’s different. I’ve had my two for ages. I’m sure they would just love another playmate. The cat appears to be shocked for a second at the mention of...

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